Sunday, May 25, 2008

The rubber meeting the road- Does my walk match my talk?

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:19

Well this weekend was it. I have enjoyed writing about the many things I see God doing in my life. It is easy to share when things are going well. But knowing if your walk matches your talk is when something so devastating happens that you feel like your feet have been taken out from under you and you’ve lost your breathe. I had one of those moments this weekend. Now I can honestly tell you that for a split second I doubted everything I believe. I went through many emotions including anger, sadness, doubt, etc…But at the end of the day I had to decide will I overcome this? Will my walk match my talk or not? Do I really believe what I say I believe? This is tough stuff. I am sure many of you have been through things like this. I am sure that some of you have experienced worse things than I have. Well, I am here to tell you that it is ok. You will be ok. I will be ok. God has a desire to bring us out into a spacious place. We are not destined to stay trapped in our prison that we feel like circumstance has put us in. I was hurt very deeply by someone I love very much this weekend. I have been hurt by this same person over and over again all my life. But this time I decided it was ok to walk away for a while until there is some change in this person’s life. I am not bitter or angry. I just won’t buy anymore that this person is just the way he is and I have to be the better person and accept it even if it means being hurt. I am not buying this lie anymore. Though it seems being the ”better” person would be to accept things the way they are I don’t believe that is what God would want me to do in this situation. You see I can think of a ton of scripture that is contrary to me accepting that this is just how this person is. This person is “fearfully and wonderfully made”, “made with a purpose”, “made in Christ’s image”, and so much more. Maybe if I stop just being complacent and giving into demands this person will become uncomfortable and start doing some thinking. And just maybe Christ will invade his heart like a freight train going a hundred miles an hour. This is my prayer. In the mean time I step back. This is hard. This hurts. But I know the promises I have been given by the God who sees, El Roi. He sees my hurts. He sees those who have hurt me. I don’t need to defend myself. I just need to take it to Him. I need to step out into this spacious place He has for me and hope this person follows. That is all we can do. That is all God would ask us to do. To be obedient and trust Him with the rest.

Prayer:

Lord, thank you that you love us and you see all our hurts. You are “El Roi” the God who sees. You are our comforter. Our defender. Thank you that I can give it all over to you and go out into my spacious place you have prepared for me.

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