Thursday, February 25, 2010

Snow Flakes

I see the snow falling outside my window. Right now it is the big flakes that kind of blow around a bit before falling to the ground. They make there way down to the ground swirling in circles and blowing to the right and to the left before settling gently on the ground.

It is a picture of how my mind has been lately. Swirling. Going left. Going right. Floating higher and then lower. Decisions to be made and work to be done. When life gets this way(and it often does)I have to stop and ask myself two questions:

1. Am I listening for God's direction?
2. If I think I am and still can't hear Him, why?

The first one is a no brainer. I know if I have even attempted to listen for God's voice or not. But the second is a bit trickier. Sometimes in all my self-righteousness I think I am listening when I'm really not. I know what I want and I try to manipulate the situation to get the result I want. Not only that but I want to hear Him in a big way. I want to hear Him like a roaring wind, or earthquake, or maybe even a fire. But all too often He speaks in a "gentle whisper" and I need to be still and quiet myself to be able to hear it. That is how He showed Himself to Elijah and that I am sure is how He would like to reveal Himself to me.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ~1 Kings 19:11-12


So as the snow here continues to swirl around I know my mind does not need to. I just need to sit back and listen for the gentle whisper. Have a blessed day!



Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Update

Since I haven't posted in a week:( I thought I would give you an update. I saw this on another blog and thought it would be a good way to give you a glimpse of what's going on here!

Outside my window... it's dark, cold, and rainy:( It is only 6 AM though.

I am thankful for... Bible study today. Whoo Hoo! And a very gracious husband - last week I was a bit rough on him(ok Greg I know "a bit" is putting it mildly).

I am praying for... Many, many things. My hubby needs a new car and I am really struggling with homeschooling. So much so that I actually visited a school last week and if it wouldn't be for finances I think I would put them there. Since we don't have the extra money I am praying for God to either provide it or give me a renewed passion for homeschooling. I do love having them here but I feel like with one in K, one in 2nd, and one in 4th I have alot on my plate and let's not forget about the one in 9th! It's the academic part I struggle with not actually having them home. For the most part they are good outside of the books:) Greg has been great. He has asked me some really good questions like, "whose standard are you measuring them up to?" and "remember why we brought them home to begin with". It had very little to do with academics but I am struggling to find a balance and Satan is having a hay day with this one. He looks for our weaknesses and he seeks to devour!

From the kitchen... the first cup of coffee....ahhhh

I am wearing... p.j.'s of course(remember it is still early)

I am creating... a book. There I said it. I have been working on it forever and plan to meet with a publisher when I go to She Speaks. I can't believe I just told everyone my secret:) I am also working on some new talks for my speaking this spring. I found the coolest thing last night. It is a tablet and it says "The one thing I will do today". God has been laying Psalm 27 on my heart and I can't wait to use this tablet as a visual. God is so good and so creative!

I am reading... So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and Sacred Echo by Margaret Feinberg

I am hoping... that the kids stay healthy and the weather here improves

I am hearing... the dog pacing around. I always take her over to the living room in the morning and she sits beside me for my quiet time. I jumped on the computer first this morning. Something I know I shouldn't do. She can't seem to figure out why I am up and she is still stuck in the kitchen. I know how she feels. Often times I think "why am I still stuck here". It is usually one of two reasons. Either I refused to move when God was asking or I got distracted by all the "pretty things" and forgot about my "One Thing"!

Around the house... laundry, dishes, clutter, and dust bunnies

One of my favorite things... when my kid's first wake up in the morning. I gave them a rule. When they wake up they need to find their mama, hug her, kiss her, and tell her they love her. They do it every morning and if they forget I hunt them down and remind them:)

A few plans(I never have a "few" plans so this is a bit of a joke) for the rest of the week... Bible study today, school, school and more school, b-ball practice tonight, Awana, softball practices, more b-ball and as luck would have it Greg and I got invited out to dinner Friday night and also to some one's house on Saturday night. Yes! I also need to do some writing and planning for the next few weeks. March is a very busy month.

Well there you have it. A glimpse into my well organized chaos! I hope you have a blessed day!


Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentines day, babysitting, b-ball, and the One I love....

Wow! I can't believe how fast time flies. I get sick, my computer gets sick, it snows and it snows some more. Friday night I had my niece's baby Olivia, Saturday we spent at b-ball, Saturday night was a date night for me and my hubby, and Sunday was church and some more babysitting(this time it was my grandson).

I also spent two more hours on the phone with Dell only to find out that when my computer was all erased some "drivers" were not installed. I didn't even know my computer had "drivers" and quite frankly I am a bit jealous. I would love a driver to do all the dang running around I do:)

The weekend was such a whirlwind I hardly had time to think about Valentine's day. I always feel a bit guilty that I don't acknowledge it more but sometimes I just end up in survival mode. For some reason though yesterday amidst all the busyness I kept humming a song. Not only did this song keep going through my mind but I kept singing the same part over and over. I must tell you whenever I hear/sing this song I do always choke up at this part(see if you know the song):

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;


If you guessed "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" than you were right. If you have no idea what I am talking about that's ok. It is a beautiful old hymn you can listen to below.

Anyway, I choke up at that point every time because it describes me perfectly. Always prone to wondering and ALWAYS leaving the One I love. I think of all the indescribable gifts He gives and I can't believe that I wonder away. But I do. I make plans and lists and have goals that often leave Him from the equation. Ugh!

I read something this weekend that really got me thinking though:

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. ~Psalm 27:4

ONE THING. What if He became the one thing? The one thing I seek. The one thing I put first on my to-do list. The one thing I don't forget and the one thing I go to first when life knocks me around. Would my wondering become less and less??? I am so sure it would.

He is the one thing that will never let us down, never leave us, never hurt us and never deceive us. All the other things we put in first place always do and always will. After some research look at the words to the original 4th stanza to this hymn:

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.


Hallelujah! I get tears just thinking about it. He is so good. Praise Him. Today let's make Him our ONE THING! Have a blessed day!



Thursday, February 11, 2010

I am still here....

So I go down with a virus on Saturday and my computer goes down with a virus on Tuesday. Mine was much easier to fix. A little rest and I am back to normal. The computer on the other hand takes an hour and a half on the phone with the virus protection guy who tells me I don't have a virus and 7 hours on the phone with Dell who tells me I have a virus and my computer is in bad shape. Had to start all over luckily he saved my pictures and documents. Oddly enough though I just had Chris save the book I have been working on forever to one of those little Flash Drive thingy's last week. I am not sure what prompted me to do that. God is soo good!

Now I am having an issue with my mouse jumping all over the place so this post will be short. I e-mailed Dell and asked if they could help as a part of what they charged me yesterday. If not I am not sure what I will do since it cost too much already yesterday to fix and update virus protection.....

On the brighter side of things I did have an awesome time speaking at a wonderful luncheon on Tuesday. If I don't toss my computer right out the window today I will hopefully be able to tell you more about it soon.

One last thing...I joined Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity discussion group on her blog. I encourage you to get the book and join in.

Have a blessed day!

Monday, February 8, 2010

I'm up then I'm down....

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right


Sounds more like my faith then words to a popular song. Today I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm between the schoolroom and the laundry room. I had a flat tire and right now my faith feels "flat". I am struggling with relationships and health issues. I was sick all weekend. Actually sicker than I have felt in a very long time. I always feel the longing to just have a day to do nothing and stay in bed and then it comes by way of sickness and I think what did I wish for????

Between the snow we had and the snow we are getting I had to cancel 3 speaking engagements for Wednesday. I was looking forward to them and now instead I have a Dr.'s appt. to go to tonight. Great replacement, hugh???

I feel like a wave tossed in the sea. Thankfully I don't have to stay that way. He is faithful and His word is truth:

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. ~Psalm 40:2 NLT

I am going to have to depend on that truth today and not on the way I feel. My feelings will deceive me, His word will NOT!

Steady me oh Lord! Get me back on solid ground and thank you that you will be faithful to me even when I am faithless.

How about you? How are you doing today? I would love to hear from you:)

Have blessed day!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Grab a Tissue....

Found this on a friend's blog this morning. It's a bit long but well worth watching. I live a lot of perfectly ordinary days. I am priveleged to have had my family in stages so I have learned much about letting go and cherishing the ordinary. Two of mine are gone, one has a foot out the door, one is turning into a beautiful women in front of me, and three are still here filling my days with messes, giggles, and mundane but perfectly ordinary days. How I wish I could go back. But we can't so we just move forward today. If you are a young mama hang on to those long, hard days because they will be gone in a blink and there you stand holding just the memories because that's all we got left. Have a blessed day!



Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Insecurity

I see her often. We keep crossing paths. I am not exactly sure why but maybe I should be asking God why so I am not missing something He is trying to do. Anyway, she is stunningly beautiful for her age. Her outward beauty is undeniable and inwardly she seems very sweet and very sincere. I mean she is just darling.

When we first met I felt a twinge of jealousy. She looked great. She seems wealthy(although I don't know this for a fact some of her recent purchases she told me about today would indicate it). Kids are all grown. Empty nest. Travels. Are you starting to see where the twinge of jealousy is coming from????

That was until today. Today I really listened intently to what she said. Today I saw something within her that seemed a bit empty. Maybe lonely. I started thinking about the things she has and thought would I really ever trade the peace I have within me for that?

Nah....That's the only answer I can come up with. I saw some insecurity in her. I started wondering if she has something deep within her that she is trying to feed. I know all about this. I wrestle with my own demons when it comes to insecurity (who am kidding - that is putting it mildly) but I am coming out on the other side of the battle and I would NEVER want to go back. Not for any amount of wealth or eternal youth or anything else for that matter. It is too exhausting. I teared up the other day just thinking back on some of the stupid things I have done that were totally driven by fear and insecurity. Really stupid, life altering things. I can hear God whisper "we've come too far baby to ever go back"!

You know we can buy all kinds of things and do all kinds of things to try and feel secure but in the end we will get old and it will all be for nothing right? I mean no amount of hair dye or expensive haircuts in Philly or great $200 jeans will ever really keep us will they. I don't want to grow old fighting that battle. I am too weary from all the battling I have already done.

She is a beautiful woman. I prayed for her today. I started reading "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore yesterday. I pray that woman I keep crossing paths with finds real security and can have her own farewell party for the things that she is grasping at. Things that don't ever really fulfill that empty space. I will keep praying but in the mean time I will continue on in my own journey to a place of secure, peaceful living. Gray hairs, lines, and wrinkles and all.

Have a blessed day!