Isn't life like that? We strive and we strive to achieve something and then when we reach the place we thought we wanted so desperately to be it ends up disappointing us or somehow leaving us empty. At least in the striving we don't have to face that reality we can continue to tell ourselves that we are almost there and success is almost ours.
The same thing Satan used to deceive Eve in the garden. He taunts us with the one thing we think we need that we can't seem to grasp and that my friends ends up being our downfall. And we question God's goodness.
I know that God called me to write. I tell myself that I only measure success based on the pleasure I feel when I do the thing He has called me to do and I ONLY write for an audience of One but when I am all alone in the dark of night and my thoughts haunt me I have to face the fact that deep down in the depths of my soul I measure success based on the definition the world has deceived me with. I tell myself if the book fails I am a failure and if I am really, really honest if I fail I question God's goodness.
So I wrestle with these thoughts and these feelings and I pray for peace and joy no matter what happens with the book. I remind myself of what is really important and what is eternal.
I grasp for Him instead of grasping at the thing that I think might make me a success and I know He is faithful and for this I am ever so grateful!
Have a blessed day!