The unmotivated motivator.
The restless peace giver.
Just a few words to describe me in 2011.
As I sit here evaluating the previous year and asking myself where things went wrong I can come up with only one answer.
I spent the last year swimming in the stagnant pool of my selfish desires and came out of it covered in muck.
I bought what I wanted. I indulged in things that I wanted. I wrote my book. Yes it was to inspire others but it was my idea. I complained when I was uncomfortable and when I had to put something I wanted aside to help others.
Everything was about me and I still wasn't happy. Of course I wasn't. It was never really supposed to be about me was it? It is that backwards theology Christ talked about all the time.
So as I glance back at the previous year and I dream forward into 2012 I am praying to be emptied of myself. I want to take up my cross and lose myself in order to find myself.
...and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. ~Matthew 10:38-39
There will be plenty of opportunities. Not only in the mundane everydayness of life but also in a trip to Haiti and another to Louisiana State Pen. I don't want to swim in that stagnant water of me anymore. I want to be emptied this year for others.
What about you? What are you learning from glancing back at 2011 and from dreaming forward to 2012? I would love to hear from you!