Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Losing in 2012

The discouraged encourager.

The unmotivated motivator.

The restless peace giver.

Just a few words to describe me in 2011.

As I sit here evaluating the previous year and asking myself where things went wrong I can come up with only one answer.

Me.

I spent the last year swimming in the stagnant pool of my selfish desires and came out of it covered in muck.

I bought what I wanted. I indulged in things that I wanted. I wrote my book. Yes it was to inspire others but it was my idea. I complained when I was uncomfortable and when I had to put something I wanted aside to help others.

Everything was about me and I still wasn't happy. Of course I wasn't. It was never really supposed to be about me was it? It is that backwards theology Christ talked about all the time.

So as I glance back at the previous year and I dream forward into 2012 I am praying to be emptied of myself. I want to take up my cross and lose myself in order to find myself.

...and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. ~Matthew 10:38-39

There will be plenty of opportunities. Not only in the mundane everydayness of life but also in a trip to Haiti and another to Louisiana State Pen. I don't want to swim in that stagnant water of me anymore. I want to be emptied this year for others.

What about you? What are you learning from glancing back at 2011 and from dreaming forward to 2012? I would love to hear from you!

Be blessed!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've pretty much spent my life in the place you describe. It's been topped off by the the last five years being the most difficult, soul-searching years of my life. The Lord has brought me to my knees in mysterious and painful ways touching everything personal, financial and spiritual. I have emerged from those years a new being. Still human, still sinful but different all the same. This year's theme is much different from previous year's. This year's theme is "give more." That's it. Not "give more, get more" just "give more." I believe that will make all the difference. Blessings to you in the new year.