Wife to Greg, mom to 7, and grandma to 3! Welcome to a glimpse of our life. It is a place where chaos abounds, tears are shed regularly, laughter is inevitable, and family is EVERYTHING!!!! Everyday is about the choices we make. Let's choose today to be different. To live for him. To find joy in the little stuff. To worry less and to love more. To be who he created us to be. This blog is about my daily "choices" along the way. Won't you join me? It will be a wild ride. But, as I always tell my kids I once heard it said "there ain't no high like the most!”
Yep. That's the title of the book my daughter said we could write.
Confessions of a 7 failure.
That is what we have felt like so I thought I would dedicate this post to our failures. Confession is good for the soul, right? So here goes:
1. Someone ate the corner off a leftover cookie last week.
I noticed it.
I mentioned it.
My daughter fessed up to it.
Then I broke out in rolling-on-the-floor laughter because I had my own confession to make....I ate a spoonful of leftover icing.
2. Wednesday night we had our weekly outing for dinner with my 94 year old grandma.
She wouldn't understand 7 if I even tried to explain it and she thinks if you like something you should eat it and eat lots of it.
So we went to a place in town that she picked. A place that laughs in the face of plain grilled chicken. The kind of place that has a deep frier and they aren't afraid to use it. A place that has never and will never serve rice.
So we ate.
We ate whatever we wanted and topped it off with ice cream.
3. Friday night after my daughters game before the football game we went to Subway.
I could have asked for plain grilled chicken with spinach no bread but I didn't.
I ate a turkey sub.
4. Saturday I was going to see Beth Moore and Cayla was going to the Uprise Festival.
Once again these are places that do not serve our typical 7 cuisine so we had already decided to eat whatever we wanted.
We decided it days before and were looking forward to it like a kid in a candy store.
5. That brings us to yesterday.
A day of worship.
A day to get back on 7 and back into some simplicity and fasting from all the foods not on "the list".
While in church some things were bothering. For one I was hungry and hormonal and secondly I think I was coming under attack from the beautiful conference the day before and then it happened.
I got a text.
A devastating text.
The kind that makes you question everything.
I got angry.
Angry at God.
Angry at evil.
Just plain old angry.
In my anger I got home and ate whatever I wanted. I did it out of a rebellious heart. I was good and mad and this was my way to show it.
So there you have it. Confessions from a girl who had some failures along the way on this journey.
And that brings me to today. A new day. A fresh start. A day of confessions and renewal and new beginnings.
Well my eggs are awaiting so I better go. I will keep you updated!
I know I am called to do it but to be honest it has been a lot harder than I thought it would be.
A lot harder than many of the books I read made it seem.
A. Lot. Harder. Period.
I cry some days.
I laugh my fool head off others. Usually not in joy just in the I-will-lose-my-mind-if-I-don't-laugh-right-now way!
I have tried every curriculum and every style. I have unschooled, done textbooks, cyber schooled, and any other schooled you can think of.
I did all that most of the time because I was doubting myself. I doubt my ability. I doubt I will stay sane. I doubt that I was really called to this and I don't doubt that someday I will paying for their therapists.
One morning I was up early doubting myself AGAIN(in one of my I don't care when they get up the later they sleep the better phases) I caught myself looking out the window and watching the big yellow bus roll by. It wasn't the first morning I had watched this phenomenon. In fact I made a habit of it. Looking. Longing. Wondering why God called me to this and also quite honestly wondering why I was obeying Him.
And then I heard it. That still small voice. "Stop looking at the bus!" It shook me out of my "yellow bus" trance and then I heard it again. "Stop looking at the bus and look to me!"
That's when it hit me.
I had spent so much time doubting and fretting and wondering and fussing and staring blankly out the window at the bus that I missed it. I missed Him. The Him who was calling me. The Him who so wanted to empower me. The Him who loved me and loves them and has the power to keep them out of therapy. The Him that is bigger than me and my inadequacies as a homeschool mom. The Him I should be looking to.
I thought of Peter walking on the water.
Matthew 14 finds Peter in a storm. Much like the storm that homeschooling can be for me sometimes.
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
"Why did you doubt?" Just a simple question much like my yellow bus moment.
So today my friends I am going to stop doubting and for pity sakes I AM GOING TO STOP LOOKING AT THE DANG BUS. I'm just going to keep my eyes on Him and have the faith that knows He will work this homeschooling thing all out.
Please pray for me and let me pray for you? Would love to hear from you!
So I am almost a week in and I thought I would share some things I am learning....
I love used to love apples.
There are only so many combinations of chicken/spinach/rice and I have tried them all.
I think about food(and so does my family) way more than I ever would have admitted.
I am a person of excess in this area....just yesterday I hosted the dessert part of a progressive dinner for college students and made 2 kinds of cookies, Texas Gold, cupcakes, peanut butter chocolate chip cookie cups, and banana pudding. I couldn't just do two or three desserts. I had to do more. Can anyone say EXCESS.
I don't suggest hosting aforementioned gathering during the food month of 7 and yes I did cheat and taste a few things and lick a few spoons in case you were wondering.
I have felt hunger this week. Not starvation by any means and not because of lack of food but because I am too lazy to bake chicken at 8:00 at night and my system can not handle one more apple or more yogurt. It made me think of all the children who go to bed hungry every day and the moms who give up their food so a child can eat and I wept for them.
I wish I had some more earth shattering insights to share. I don't but I do feel God slowly working on those inner places that I keep so guarded......even from Him.
Well that's all for now I have a scrambled egg calling my name from the kitchen and chicken that needs made if I am going to eat lunch.
I have been through various phases(I think all of them???) over the last 21 years of parenting and I know as quickly as this one started it will come to end. All things do. Nothing lasts forever.
So, if I "know" all of this why do I let little things bother me?
It started a few months ago. He doesn't want to leave my side. He cried to go to day camp and only made it there 2 out of the 5 days because the fight was too much. He wants to go everywhere with me and always wants to know where I am. It started driving me crazy.
Just today I wanted him to stay at his grandmas for 10 minutes until I picked something up. Both his brother and his sisters were there. He ran to the door after me and in a really-not-kind-mom tone I said ok and took him with me.
We got to the bottom of the steps and I was feeling agitated. It would slow me down and I had an agenda but then he grabbed my hand.
I felt a tear come to my eyes.
God used that moment to remind me of some really important things about being a mother.
This child loves me....unconditionally. He is the last of seven and he wants to be with me and still wants to hold my hand. It is an honor to be blessed to be his mom and I should be ever so thankful he still wants to be with me.
Lord please help me to remember that he is the last little hand I have to hold. Help me to be patient and kind and gentle. Remind me to cherish the moments I have with him and never let me forget how quickly time passes.... for in no time this little phase will pass and that little hand won't be there for me to hold. Let me live in the moments and hang on as long as I can because the lasts are as precious as the firsts and there is much beautiful living to be done in between. Too beautiful to mar it with impatience and unkind words. Too beautiful to waste.
It all started pretty innocently. 7 by Jen Hatmaker gets casually mentioned at Bible study. They said it was a great book. I love a great book, plus I had some beach time coming up so I downloaded it to my Kindle.
I can never wait to start reading something even if it was intended for the beach. It is sort of like telling my self the cookies are for after dinner.....yeah right. So I started reading. I couldn't put it down. I laughed. I cried at the excess I recognized in my own life. A friend was reading it also and we compared notes and then I left. For Hawaii.
Can anyone say.....EXCESS.
From Haiti to Hawaii in one summer.
Talk about two worlds colliding. I came home and the book, the trip to Haiti, and the James Bible study wouldn't let me alone. The thoughts were all buzzing in my head like a gnat I couldn't get rid of. Not to mention going to hear Shane Claiborne speak. I had been had. If God was trying to tell me something He was telling me loud and clear and I couldn't ignore it anymore.
So today starts my journey with 7. In following the book I'm starting with food and hope to over the next 7 months to rid myself from some excess but most importantly become an empty vessel open to the filling of the Holy Spirit.
Over the next 4 weeks the only 7 foods my daughter and I (she read the book too....it messed her up too) will be consuming are:
I will be drinking water and one cup of black coffee a day(Jen gave up coffee...she was brave....I am not).
I will keep you posted on how this all works and if you get a chance you really need to read the book!