Wednesday, May 8, 2013

50 Shades of Grey


I used to be very black and white.

Right vs. wrong.

Good vs. bad.

Very simple, right?

But as one year has faded into the next I have found myself living mostly in the grey. Finding that nothing is ever really as simple as it seems. I have also found that I am not who I used to be....thankfully!

Now if you came here for the title of this blog looking for some kind of steamy sex story you might as well leave now unless of course you are still curious then by all means please stay....all are welcome here. If you came here for the title of this blog to blast me on what that story is your energy I already know. I'm not doing a book review here but if I did what would you think of me???

The point is we see something or hear something and we are so quick to pass judgement or have a preconceived idea in our mind on what it is about when really things in life are rarely that black and white.

I used to pass judgement on all kinds of things.  Thinking all along that life is really simple and people just need to get it together when in reality I was not "together" myself most of the time.  I was just really good at hiding my struggles and this is where "the church" has gotten a bad name.  No wonder lost people only think of us as lacking compassion and being hypocritical. 

We clean up our act just enough to look the part and then pass judgement on those who don't when in reality we are not much different on the inside then the rest of the world.  Just because we don't drink, smoke, or get tatoo's and we keep ourselves safe in our church buildings we think we have it all figured out but inside we struggle with pride, gluttony, anger, envy, greed.....the list could go on.

The point is life is hard. 

We are all at different places.

We all deal with things differently and nobody really "wants" to stay lost but because of interactions with "the church" they are scared to death to be found.

Let's stop shining our lights as believers in places that are already lit up.  Let's start shining our lights into the dark places.  In this process things may fade a bit to grey.  That's ok.  I am not suggesting that our behavior change or that we have no morals but I am suggesting that our mentality towards the lost MUST change. God is big enough to handle that.  He will still be God and He will still be on His throne and judgement will still be His.

Sin will still be sin but maybe we will see the sinner differently.

The people I used to see through my lens of black and white and right and wrong are the very people that God dearly loves.  I want to see them as He sees them and I want to stop worrying about what others may think of my interactions with them.

And just maybe in the process we will shine the light into some of our own dark areas and we will find that life isn't as easy as black and white.

Today I am praying Colossians 3:12:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

 That's how I want to be clothed even if in doing so I wear 50 different shades of grey.....

Monday, March 25, 2013


It all starts very innocently. 

I read a status update on Facebook about someones seemingly "perfect" life. 

I misinterpret a comment from my spouse.

My kids behavior is less than desirable. 

I look in the mirror and notice another wrinkle.

And though I have hundreds of "friends" on multiple social networking sites sometimes I feel lonely.

Then this little nagging deep within begins.  A voice telling me that things are not what they should be...and then it grows.  It grows into a deep gnawing feeling down into the core of my being. It tells me that my life is no good.  That everyone else around me has everything I desire. And if I don't catch it quick enough it grows like an epidemic threatening to devour me. I become grouchy and irritable and then everything around me starts to look bleak and uninteresting and undesirable. 

I find myself drowning in the pool of dissatisfaction wondering why me? And as I start to go under I grab onto everyone around me. Clinging desperately to those I love holding out my emptiness to them like a cup begging them to fill it.  Only they can't.  They don't know how. They were never meant to.

It's only when I stop and quiet myself and draw from the well of living water that things start to change.  I begin to feel peace wash over me and that nagging deep within becomes fully satisfied.  Not only does it become satisfied but it is full and overflowing.  Giving me a well from which I can pour out to others.

I know this place.  This place of satisfied. I only wish I would search it out sooner.  That I would stop the moment I start to feel the ache and seek His face.

I don't know if it is getting older or what but I am really tired of drinking the toxic cocktail of dissatisfaction.  I'm tired of empty when I could be full.  The only time I want to feel it anymore is if God is trying to pull me out of a place of complacency. You see I am coming to realize that not all places of dissatisfied are necessarily bad.  Only the ones that are focused solely on self. 

My prayer is that I would daily be filled and led by Him and that anything else I get from anyone else would just be icing on the cake. I also pray that if in that place of communion with God I start to feel Him call me out of a place of selfish complacency that I would follow eagerly and quickly and without a second thought for self.

What about you?  Does the dissatisfaction monster ever come after you?  I would love to hear from you!

Be blessed!


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Roe v. Wade....40 years later

As I sat on the bed in my hotel room tears filled my eyes threatening to spill over onto my cheek.

You see even though I have found healing from my abortion my heart still aches for the children that will never be.

For the child of mine that I will never hold.

For all the life that has been lost over the last 40 years and for the women still imprisoned in the silence and shame of their decision.

I look forward to a day when no more life is lost. When God turns all our weeping into joy. When all the chains are broken and women are set free.

Until then I will wipe the tears from my eyes and keep moving forward being a voice for the voiceless. Continuing to bring about awareness that can lead to change in the abortion industry.

Won't you join me?

  • Pray for this decision to be overturned
  • Pray for all the women around you because I guarantee you someone in your circle has been affected by this issue
  • Be a voice for the voiceless
  • Break the silence in our churches surrounding this issue
  • Embrace any one around you who is struggling to heal from her past abortion
If you are struggling with this issue or know someone who is please contact me.  Together we can make a difference.

Be blessed!