Monday, March 25, 2013

Dissatisfaction

It all starts very innocently. 

I read a status update on Facebook about someones seemingly "perfect" life. 

I misinterpret a comment from my spouse.

My kids behavior is less than desirable. 

I look in the mirror and notice another wrinkle.

And though I have hundreds of "friends" on multiple social networking sites sometimes I feel lonely.

Then this little nagging deep within begins.  A voice telling me that things are not what they should be...and then it grows.  It grows into a deep gnawing feeling down into the core of my being. It tells me that my life is no good.  That everyone else around me has everything I desire. And if I don't catch it quick enough it grows like an epidemic threatening to devour me. I become grouchy and irritable and then everything around me starts to look bleak and uninteresting and undesirable. 

I find myself drowning in the pool of dissatisfaction wondering why me? And as I start to go under I grab onto everyone around me. Clinging desperately to those I love holding out my emptiness to them like a cup begging them to fill it.  Only they can't.  They don't know how. They were never meant to.

It's only when I stop and quiet myself and draw from the well of living water that things start to change.  I begin to feel peace wash over me and that nagging deep within becomes fully satisfied.  Not only does it become satisfied but it is full and overflowing.  Giving me a well from which I can pour out to others.

I know this place.  This place of satisfied. I only wish I would search it out sooner.  That I would stop the moment I start to feel the ache and seek His face.

I don't know if it is getting older or what but I am really tired of drinking the toxic cocktail of dissatisfaction.  I'm tired of empty when I could be full.  The only time I want to feel it anymore is if God is trying to pull me out of a place of complacency. You see I am coming to realize that not all places of dissatisfied are necessarily bad.  Only the ones that are focused solely on self. 

My prayer is that I would daily be filled and led by Him and that anything else I get from anyone else would just be icing on the cake. I also pray that if in that place of communion with God I start to feel Him call me out of a place of selfish complacency that I would follow eagerly and quickly and without a second thought for self.

What about you?  Does the dissatisfaction monster ever come after you?  I would love to hear from you!

Be blessed!